In civil disputes, the best resolution to almost every matter is a fair and expeditious settlement. This allows both parties to move past the problems that gave rise to the legal action and on the important business of enjoying life. Studies are beginning to show that the "successful" party in any legal dispute is the one who, several years after the matter has concluded, has moved forward with his/her life. 

Traditional thinking, however, has trained all of us, including judges and lawyers, to believe the "successful" party is the one who has received the biggest piece of the pie, whether measured in the amount of time one has obtained with the children in a custody matter, the amount of money one has received in a personal injury case, or the amount of property one has obtained by way of equitable distribution in a divorce. 

This is a narrow prospective that fails to take into consideration the cost to the litigant of the extra time with the kids, the jury verdict or the additional equitable distribution. Often this cost equates to months or years of time spent waiting for a decision from a court, countless dollars on attorneys' and experts'fees, and hours of personal time preparing for court, not to mention dozens of sleepless nights wasted worrying about the matter.

In the disputes between parents over time-sharing with children, the parents should always consider the effect the litigation will, not may, have on the children they are fighting over. Psychologically, perhaps one of the worst experiences a child can live through is to see Mom and Dad fighting over the amount of time the child will spend with each of them. What any child wants most in any custody battle is for Mom and Dad to work it out amicably. The price of not doing so is, at best, a child who suffered through months or years of unnecessary fighting between loved ones, and at worst, a child who is left with deep psychological and emotional scars. 

Additional costs, of course, include the emotional strain on Mom and Dad, and the financial drain of family resources. Many a family has wasted a child's college fund fighting over time- sharing. The value of compromise in time-sharing disputes is unmeasurable. 

Consider also the value of settlement in a personal injury suit. In the context of minor injuries, one should consider the value of getting on with one's life and putting the accident behind as quickly as possible. In the context of more serious injuries, the loss of privacy as well as the stress of answering interrogatories, attending depositions, submitting to examinations by numerous physicians and eventually sitting through a trial where one's physical condition is debated in front of a group of strangers may only worsen one's physical condition and may not be worth the additional moneys (if any), one receives. One should be careful, however, to only settle a personal injury case after knowing the full extent of ones injuries and other damages, since most settlements are final. 

Similarly, in the context of money issues, such as equitable distribution in matrimonial cases or dollars in contract cases, each party involved in the dispute should seriously take into consideration the cost in time, energy, attorneys and expert fees and weight this against the value of moving forward in life. For example, in a business context, one's time might be better spent building or improving one's business rather than spending work hours on discovery and trial. 

In sum, the primary benefit of settling any legal dispute is that it allows the disputing parties to put the past behind and move into the future. Life is too precious to waste time fighting.



Joan G. Geiger is an accredited member of the New Jersey Association of Professional Mediators and has been mediating for approximately 12 years. After practicing family law for 17 years, she followed her calling to become a full time mediator and co-founder of WIN*WIN MEDIATION, L.L.C., with locations in Somerset and Hunterdon counties, New Jersey.


Other Articles by Joan G. Geiger:

• Meditation - The Best Process for Divorce
• Be the Winner in Your Divorce
• Compromise is Key in Marital Disputes
• Mediation-The Way to Save on the cost of Divorce
• 12 Successful Steps for Co-Parenting
• 12 Steps to Successful Mediation